Church of the Worm

The Church of the Worm is a religious order formed in 2015, in response to the discovery of the Worldwide Wormhole Complex (WWC).

History

The Church of the Worm's founder, Rev. Jimmy Frankles, was a pioneer in WWC research during the early stages of its mapping. Intrigued by the structured composition of the complex and its apparent oneness with the Earth, Frankles surmised that it might represent a higher intelligence, if not contain the intelligence itself. During a year-long sabbatical period of heavy contemplation, Frankles experienced what he called a "visionation machination," where he claimed to have learned that the nature of the universe was purely dirt.

During this time, Frankles penned the charter document of the Church of the Worm, the Articles of the Wormist Faith, in which the following famous syllogism can be found: All is dirt.<br /

The Church has expanded its membership greatly over the years. It is said that approximately 22% of people who interact with the WWC will come away from the experience with a profound sense of awe. The church builds upon that by providing meaning for the complex and a path to follow for becoming closer to it.

Schism

Rev. Frankles wrote a second document in 2019, the Wormist fate doctrine, in which he described the WWC as an omniscient, omnipotent being with a perfect plan for the universe in which human free will does not exist. Publication of the doctrine heralded a major turning point for the church, as it elevated the Worm from an interdimensional traveler to a supreme deity. Frankles argued that there was no change in doctrine, merely a state of increasing enlightenment. However, not all of its members were convinced and a large portion of them split away to form the Society of Tunnelers.

Criticism

The church has attracted its share of criticism, much from atheist groups like the Human Quorum. For example, in 2024 Quorum Leader Herga Bartholomew told reporters "There is no Worm. Wormholes are a metaphor for a naturally occurring phenomenon that need not be explained away by an imaginary flying invertebrate. Hucksters like Jimmy Frankles are lying to the public and laughing all the way to the bank."

Some conspiracy theorists take fault with both the church and the Quorum, insisting that the WWC was constructed by the Cabal millennia ago for surveillance purposes. Most agree, however, that this is preposterous, as there is no Cabal.

In 2020 the church was rocked by allegations that Frankles was himself a worm, a shapeshifting being, albeit a more pedestrian one than the deity he spoke about. Rumors suggested that the entire church was merely a front for the Subterranean Advocacy League, a political action group that raises awareness for earthworm habitats. Frankles vehemently denied the claims but refused to submit to DNA testing that would clear the matter up. A spokesperson for the church assured the press that "Rev. Frankles is humbled by the scandal and prays the Worm will have compassion on him and the rest of his compost as together we work through these difficult times."

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